“Screaming, Savage Blood Death!”

After I heard a radio spot for The Corpse Grinders a month or so ago, I felt like I had to see it the first chance I got. Somewhere along the line (maybe from The Horrors Of It All?) I found out that the plot revolved around deranged, flesh eating cats. Deranged, human flesh-eating cats. After I found that out, I had no reason not to watch this schlock as soon as I possibly could. Not only did I decide that I had to watch it, but that I had to take screen shots of it too. It’s that bad. Bad in the best way possible.

If you’re looking for a review of The Corpse Grinders, I suggest going here. Or you could just watch the trailer and scroll through the screen shots below and save yourself the time. That suggestion might actually be a little unfair as I definitely back this movie, and I see no reason why you shouldn’t either. Take a look at the screens below and

Gore Shriek

I recently got a hold of a copy of Fantaco’s 1989 Horror Yearbook and stumbled upon an ad for Gore Shriek, an ad (and comic) I wish I would have seen when I was younger (and far more impressionable). If I knew comics like this existed, then I would’ve dived into comics as a whole way earlier. I would’ve lost my shit if I got this for my 9th or 10th birthday.

I also had no idea that a lot of Gore Shriek issues were uploaded here for me to go nuts over so many years after they were initially released. I haven’t really had a chance to go through them yet, but I had to get this up here. I did get through the first issue issue though, and Gore Shriek gets my approval based on that one issue alone.

Allow me to introduce…

(if you’re not already familiar with them already)

Final Girl

Same Hat!

The Horrors Of It All

I’m purposefully not including a description of any of these blogs because I want you to just check them out for yourself.

So go.

“This movie raped my eyes.”

This is a direct quote taken from the IMDB entry for Ninja Resurrection. Also, this is actually an OVA, but whatever…

Sure I could write a lengthy review for this, but I would just basically be trying to find interesting ways to say that the character designs are nothing special and that it ends up being pretty flat overall. “Why even put it on here then?” GREAT QUESTION…glad you asked. Even though there are heads on stakes, innocent children getting killed, and both Satan and samurais are involved, Ninja Resurrection is nothing crazy. I’ll give you a second to reread that last sentence…

How can a recipe for such a deliciously perverse feast come out…so…boring? It’s like fucking up macaroni and cheese or ramen noodles. Sure, there’s some effort required, but both can be satisfying unless you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing. Then you’re just a terrible person. I got this cheap, and I didn’t hate it, but that’s about as much of an endorsement as you’re going to get from me for Ninja Resurrection. In fact, I don’t even feel guilty for not taking screen captures of it.

Before watching this I looked around online for a second to see what other agoraphobic shut-ins had to say about this. It was then that I stumbled into a puddle of misinformed crybaby tears. As mentioned above, these quotes are all taken from IMDB. Not only did they get me excited about watching this, but they’re probably about as good as the OVA itself.

“…this movie raped my eyes. This movie forcibly shoved unwanted imagery into my skull.”

“…if you like super disturbing anime gorefests that go beyond the definition of gore, then this is the one for you.”

“The blood and gore factor is excellent.”

“extremely violent”

“I hated this movie.”

“A revolting movie for gore-buffs only”

“…the violence is stomach-churningly gross and repellent.”

“Wow. Very offensive.”

Just what the fuck are these individuals watching? After watching Ninja Resurrection all the way through, it’s as if their comments suggest that the harshest thing any of them have ever seen is Are You Afraid Of The Dark? or maybe Tales From The Crypt.

The bottom line is that this isn’t worth seeking out, yet some how not terrible. I would recommend holding off on trying to get it until your loser older brother or fat roommate try to sell it to you for a dollar in an attempt to scrounge up money for their rent because they do nothing but try to smoke their dreadlocks all day.

Film Section Updated

…sort of.

Prepackaged Blood Splatters

Do you love to draw? What about people getting stabbed? Thoughts? Yes? No? What about time…do you seem to be short on it? Would you venture to say that the attempts that you’ve made at creating your own blood splatter(s) look(s) less than genuine? Would you readily admit that you’re just some lazy self-proclaimed “artist” that’s seen Evil Dead and/or Dead Alive a horribly unnecessary number of times?

If you nodded in excited agreement when you read any of the above questions, then you might want to get your figuratively blood soaked hands on these. You can go to the Maxon site to order them, or you should be able to go any decent (read: not lame) art supply store to get similar screens. Stores might not be so keen on helping you feed your blood lust, so you might have to settle for something like glittery rainbows or misty circles.

I don’t draw at all, but I got these just because I found them to be such a strange, though useful and pretty creative concept. Plus now after having taped these up, I can tell people that I have blood on my walls and not feel weird about it.*

Just to give you a point of reference, I held up an oversized magazine to show you just how big these sheets are. I figured that the magazine I chose would be the most appropriate thing since I had it at the ready and it’s got Ken from the infamously violent Fist of the North Star on the cover. I haven’t had a chance to sit down and really look at this month’s issue of Studio Voice yet (not like I can read much of it anyway), but I’ve gotta give stacks of credit to anyone who can put Yayoi Kusama, Lego Star Wars and GG Allin all in the same magazine. A Jump retrospective, a great layout…and GG Allin. Insane.

*Editor’s Note: I do not actually have blood on my walls.

Old News (From the Future…)

I almost want to just leave it at the bare minimum and say “Cyber City Oedo 808 is pretty great, check out the screen captures I took if you’re not convinced,” but this OVA deserves a little bit more fanfare.Created in the early 90’s by Madhouse Studios, the same studio that managed to create the mentally exhausting Paprika, and directed by Yoshiaki Kawajiri, probably best known for Ninja Scroll and Wicked City. (He even worked on the script for Biohunter). Don’t worry, it’s fine…I’ll give you a second to write yourself a reminder to watch all of the above mentioned works as soon as you can…in no particular order of course. Still with me? Excellent…we’re almost done. Simply put, if you were into Blade Runner and/or Akira, then you should check out Cyber City Oedo 808. Even though this is a lesser work and is dwarfed by the historical importance of the two aforementioned classics, it still remains as a memorable look into the future. In this case, we are thrust into a future where hand-selected criminals get a shot at reducing their prison sentences by working with the police to put other criminals behind bars. I know it’s pretty horrible that I can’t think of anything much else to say, but these screen captures are so hard to top, and they definitely speak for themselves.

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Too bad this is out of print.

Completely Doomed

(Notice the white knuckles of excitement.)

Within these black and white pages are sixteen different comics adapted from earlier written works. So what if they’re adaptations and not the originals? You have A.D.D., so what do you care? You should be thanking these guys for doing you the favor of putting these stories into comic form.

You should especially be thanking Ashley Wood for such a favor. Wood’s distinctive art helps flesh out a fourth of these sixteen tales and the illustrations for every one of those four stories is definitely impressive. Sure the written content itself is important, but there is a dynamic that I’m willing to say would be unreachable if it weren’t for Wood’s take on the stories. The part that I didn’t expect was that a large majority of both the art and the adaptations were quite above par. Saying that Completely Doomed is something like Tales From The Crypt, but in book form would be unfair. It’s the best analogy that I can think of, though Doomed remains far more stylized and lacks the kitsch that Tales often allows for.

To be honest, the adaptation of Richard Matheson’s Crickets was the only story that I hated (though the art does just fine). There were only two others that I could either take or leave. What gets me is that the adaptation of Matheson’s Blood Son and Legion of Plotters come across really well.

The bottom line is that this is one of the better collections of printed matter I’ve seen in months, and this is far from the hit or miss book that I assumed it would be. It’s not without its flaws, but Completely Doomed seems as if it fully actualized what it was set out to be: great.

If you’re not convinced you can read more about it here.

I was going to put up a few pages from a story here and there, but that would spoil the fun wouldn’t it? If you absolutely have to ruin it for yourself, there are a few pages (and the whole first story) that you can check out by clicking the link below.

You can get Completely Doomed here along with single issues and even a trade paperback with just the stories Wood adapted and did the art for.

About the photo: I was going to write about how I thought (and still think) that this is good enough to eat…but upon looking at the ridiculous and/or horribly embarrassing photos of me looking like I was getting ready to take an enormous chunk out of the book with my gaping mouth, I decided to go with terribly off center photo that you see above.