“This movie raped my eyes.”

This is a direct quote taken from the IMDB entry for Ninja Resurrection. Also, this is actually an OVA, but whatever…

Ninja Resurrection cover

Sure I could write a lengthy review for this, but I would just basically be trying to find interesting ways to say that the character designs are nothing special and that it ends up being pretty flat overall. “Why even put it on here then?” GREAT QUESTION…glad you asked. Even though there are heads on stakes, innocent children getting killed, and both Satan and samurais are involved, Ninja Resurrection is nothing crazy. I’ll give you a second to reread that last sentence…

How can a recipe for such a deliciously perverse feast come out…so…boring? It’s like fucking up macaroni and cheese or ramen noodles. Sure, there’s some effort required, but both can be satisfying unless you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing. Then you’re just a terrible person. I got this cheap, and I didn’t hate it, but that’s about as much of an endorsement as you’re going to get from me for Ninja Resurrection. In fact, I don’t even feel guilty for not taking screen captures of it.

Before watching this I looked around online for a second to see what other agoraphobic shut-ins had to say about this. It was then that I stumbled into a puddle of misinformed crybaby tears. As mentioned above, these quotes are all taken from IMDB. Not only did they get me excited about watching this, but they’re probably about as good as the OVA itself.

“…this movie raped my eyes. This movie forcibly shoved unwanted imagery into my skull.”

“…if you like super disturbing anime gorefests that go beyond the definition of gore, then this is the one for you.”

“The blood and gore factor is excellent.”

“extremely violent”

“I hated this movie.”

“A revolting movie for gore-buffs only”

“…the violence is stomach-churningly gross and repellent.”

“Wow. Very offensive.”

Just what the fuck are these individuals watching? After watching Ninja Resurrection all the way through, it’s as if their comments suggest that the harshest thing any of them have ever seen is Are You Afraid Of The Dark? or maybe Tales From The Crypt.

The bottom line is that this isn’t worth seeking out, yet some how not terrible. I would recommend holding off on trying to get it until your loser older brother or fat roommate try to sell it to you for a dollar in an attempt to scrounge up money for their rent because they do nothing but try to smoke their dreadlocks all day.

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Filed under anime, horror, reviews

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