Tag Archives: nonsense

Monsters & Nonsense: “Useless” Japanese: Part 3

Trudging on to the latest installment of my attempting to pull out words/phrases/exclamations from a not-so-randomly selected installment of Daikaiju Battle Ultra Adventure , I present to you the following “useless” Japanese. I use the quotes, because honestly, if any of what you see below were truly useless, you’d never use any of it. Though, I can’t help but think that I’m going to have to talk about escaping, or even ultrasonic light waves…eventually (and quite possibly in the same sentence…hopefully?).

As I’ve tried to make resoundingly clear before, these translations are correct so far as I can tell, and the pronunciation for everything is written so that no prior knowledge of Japanese is required. Either way, giant monsters still rule and so does learning Japanese so that you can read comics about them.

what it means

how it’s pronounced

how it’s written

to suffer damage / to be deceived

yah-wah-ray-rew

やられる

ultrasonic light waves

cho-ohn-pah-koh-sen

超音波光線

Of course!

yap-pah-ree

やっぱり

attack (e.g. a signature move; a noun, not a verb)

koh-gek-key

攻撃

to say

“E”-ooh

言う

to consider

nahn-gah-“A”-rew

考えてる

concentration (not a verb; e.g. “to concentrate”)

shoe-chew

集中

or / or else

so-ray-toe-mo

それとも

systemic absorption

tie-nai-“Q”-shoe

体内吸収

to hit

ooh-tsu

打つ

to escape

knee-geh-rew

逃げる

to surpass

mah-sah-rew

勝る

Wow! / Awesome!

sue-goy

すごい!

to be exhausted

tsu-kah-ray-ha-tay-rew

疲れ果てる

gently

soh-toe

そっと

to creep up on

she-no-bee-yoh-rew

忍び寄る

friendship

you-koh

友好

Google Translate and rikaichan are at it again. To tell you the truth, at this point it doesn’t even matter to me whether or not anyone else finds their blatant errors amusing, but I’m still putting them up here regardless.

使(つか)う気()

came out as

Use (or) dental care (music).

尻尾攻撃(しっぽこうげき)

came out as

Tail attack (tail this pep talk)

わかえるんだ

came out as

Each frog I

くそっ

came out as

Baloney

そうだ ガンQも いたんだ!!

came out as

Q is also likely to get cancer!

Considering this post is the final blow in my look at Daikaiju Battle Ultra Adventure and goofy translations in general (at least for the time being), try not to sulk for weeks on end about it. Chances are there’ll be more soon. Until then…じゃあね.

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TOTAL HATE

“Hey boys! Ready to party?”

“Hell fuckin’ yeah I’m ready party!!!”

“Sorry, I can’t tonight, but I’ll see you on the internet! Right?”

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Monsters & Nonsense: “Useless” Japanese: Part 2

The following nonsense is courtesy of a wretched amalgamation of a manga called Giant Monster Battle: Ultra Adventure (大怪獣バトルウルトラアドベンチャー) and some online translation tools. Just like last time, I pretty much only put this list of words and phrases together for my own benefit, but I figured it could only help the betterment of all mankind if I posted the list here.

A few words of advice: using what you can learn below in the presence of other human beings in any variety of social gatherings has the potential to elicit an incredibly wide range of responses. However, I doubt that any of such responses will sound anything like, “Your Japanese is so good!”

Just sayin’…

what it means

how it’s pronounced

how it’s written

to be destroyed

ho-roh-“B”-roo

滅びる

to be born

oo-mah-ray-roo

生まれる

real / genuine article

hohn-mo-no

本物

I wonder

kah-she-rah

かしら

spaceship

oo-chew-sen

宇宙船

spaceport

oo-chew-me-nah-to

宇宙港

Let’s go!

you-koh-zay

行こうぜ

to ride in / to board

noh-rew

乗る

You’re kidding!

mah-tah-mah-tah

またまた

Look!

hoh-rah

ほら

groin / crotch

mah-tah

No way!

mah-sah-ka

まさか

EMERGENCY!

keen-“Q”-“G”-tie

緊急事態

to appear

ah-rah-wah-ray-rew

現れる

destruction / extinction

zeh-tsu-meh-tsu

絶滅

Why? / how

doh-she-tay

どうして

escape / getaway

knee-geh

逃げ

It really is too bad that there weren’t any funnier computer generated results, but I wouldn’t be surprised if funnier stuff showed up in upcoming pages of the manga. My buddies, Google Translate and rikaichan helped shit out the computer generated translations below:

滅びちゃった

came out as

Perish my pants

行こうぜ

came out as

Let’s go brittle

Again, all errors are of course my own. Corrections are obviously encouraged.

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Monsters & Nonsense: “Useless” Japanese: Part 1

When trying to translate an Ultraman-themed vehicle for selling “junk” (read: a manga with cool monsters in it) earlier this afternoon, I started getting some pretty funny / interesting – but not totally ridiculous – results / “answers”. I put together a list for myself, and added a few that I already knew for others to check out. To tell you the truth, I just put this up so I wouldn’t forget nonsense like “the fourth dimension”.

Just to let you know…if you have no prior experience with the Japanese language and you try to pronounce any of the nouns, verbs or exclamations below, you will undoubtedly sound like a foreigner and will impress absolutely zero native speakers of Japanese. Honestly, it’s much more likely that you will get laughed at. But who cares? I’m just hoping that some nerd from the middle of nowhere makes a YouTube video of him or herself yelling “HAKU! HAKU! HAKU!” and then fake barfs. Over and over again.

Please make it happen.

what it means

to vomit

how it’s pronounced

ha-ku

how it’s written

吐く

fire-breathing

ho-noh oh ha-ku

炎を吐く

all right!

(can also mean premature death)

yoh-sh!

ようし

hooray!

(also: hot dog!, whee!, yowzer!)

yah-tah!

やったあ

terrible

knee-gah-teh

苦手

to gain victory

kah-tsu

勝つ

invincible

moo-teh-key

無敵

to be proud of

ho-ko-rew

誇る

dude

(also: fellow, chap)

yah-tsu

ヤツ

enemy

(also: opponent)

teh-key

buttocks

she-ree

fourth dimension

yo-“G”-gehn

四次元

The following were some better examples of why you shouldn’t rely on a dictionary when translating…or at least try to use one as little as possible. Well, unless you’ve got an eye for unintentional hilarity. After being put through the Google Translate grinder, I was awarded with the gems below:

ずってやつね

came out as

“the hard guy”

敵お尻

came out as

“ass enemy”

四次元とかもしったし

came out as

“and also the four-dimensional SHITTA”

This is the website for the comic that I got all this nonsense from.

All errors are of course my own. Corrections are obviously encouraged.

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Forbidden Transmission public access TV show

I don’t even know how to describe this show other than by pointing to the preview above. According to the blog on their MySpace profile, every half hour episode is chocked full of “brain-melting video weirdness” … the truth is that I can’t really disagree with them. Each themed episode packs together all sorts of nonsense into a sweet baklava of bizarre fit for any ADHD ridden individual. I suggest that you allow Forbidden Transmission to start invading your brain and rotting it immediately.

You can download the entire series here, or you can get a hold of Skeleton Farm Productions (who painstakingly sews together each installment of slop) here.

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What’s your favorite shirt?

Pay no attention to the date on this one kids. This will be up for as long as the site is up. So if you’re reading this three months from now, I’ll still approve whatever photos you post in the comments sections of this post as long as you recognize the following stipulations:

– This is limited to shirts of hardcore or metal bands that you actually own.

– A top three is allowed if you can’t pick a single favorite.

– Embarrassing photos are highly encouraged.

– No no0dz plz.

– GO!

p.s. I actually don’t have a favorite, and haven’t bought a new shirt in years.

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Saying that I was unprepared for this would be an understatement.

God Of Gamblers II - DVD cover

From the purposefully nonsensical reactions to the spliced-in footage of Chow Yun-Fat from the first God of Gamblers, this movie revels in its own absurdity. God Of Gamblers II is definitely something I wish I saw ages ago, though I very well might not have been able to appreciate it as much I did last night. Straying from aiming to be purely a guilty pleasure, this car wreck of a movie fearfully crosses its fingers in hope that you’ll laugh until your eyes bleed and fully ponder its (attempted) virtuous overtones. No part of me bled while watching this, and the honorable acts of Stephen Chow and the rest of the cast weren’t what I was thinking about at all. Instead I kept thinking, “Rewind that! What just happened?” Then upon a second viewing exclaim something to the effect of, “Why would that even happen?! That doesn’t even make sense!” while a friend of mine (that braved through the whole thing with me) exchanged puzzled and amused looks.

The subtitles aren’t the only culprit here either. They’re not atrocious, though I’m surprised that this has been commercially released in America (or at least commercially available). I don’t even know how it ended up in the store that I bought it from. My point is that even though the subtitles are just flat out wrong or incoherent in some places, there’s no way that what’s being said is being translated incorrectly. Given the context, it ridiculousness makes perfect sense; quite often for comedic effect. For example, punch lines often appearing with little to no set up, yet still being funny.

God Of Gamblers II doesn’t spiral into the realm of being purely experimental though; in fact it easily stays within the bounds of what someone would expect from a comedy that has some level of action in it. The part that’s so baffling is how they worked in so much random, humorless sludge throughout the whole thing. I say “humorless” because quite a bit of the gags aren’t funny, but ironically, that’s what makes those gags so great. Calling this a “screwball comedy” wouldn’t quite describe with this movie, but it’s not far off. I even got half way through this before thinking, “No wonder…it’s the same guy that was in (and directed) Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle.

I’m not sure what I was expecting…I guess maybe half Hard-Boiled half Casino? I’m not exactly sure. Let me just say that I was pleasantly surprised. However, had I seen this trailer first, I’m sure my level of amused confusion wouldn’t have been the same.

(So much trombone, so many inappropriately placed “boing” sound effects…)

In short, God Of Gamblers II is light on the gunfights and action sequences and heavy on the gambling showdowns and total nonsense.

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