Tag Archives: metal

Heavy Metal Parking Lot: Metalhead Idiocy Immortalized

It’s movies like this that I have to insist on everyone watching at least once; assuming that they’re somewhat in touch with stuff that doesn’t suck.

Before YouTube, before anything close to what people commonly refer to as viral videos, there were irredeemable pieces of shit being shown at theaters across the country for decades. Sure there were diamonds among the sludge, but so much of the rest of that schlock had nowhere near as much appeal as Heavy Metal Parking Lot; and it never even had a proper theatrical release! Heavy Metal Parking Lot as a concept isn’t really that extraordinary, but the results certainly are. Watch it Continue reading


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Napalm Death “Street Art”

On the whole, I wouldn’t say that I’m uninterested in the idea of “street art”, it’s just that so much of it is boring or terrible or both. I only pay attention to a few creative types around town, and I take more than a quick glance at what’s going on outside of Chicago whenever a site, book, magazine, DVD or whatever makes it’s way in front of me. I look for it, but not all the time. Sometimes stuff like this finds me.

It’s cool to see “punk art” taken entirely out of the context of the “punk scene/world/microcosm/death trap”. It’s a lot cooler that Continue reading

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What’s your favorite shirt?

Pay no attention to the date on this one kids. This will be up for as long as the site is up. So if you’re reading this three months from now, I’ll still approve whatever photos you post in the comments sections of this post as long as you recognize the following stipulations:

– This is limited to shirts of hardcore or metal bands that you actually own.

– A top three is allowed if you can’t pick a single favorite.

– Embarrassing photos are highly encouraged.

– No no0dz plz.

– GO!

p.s. I actually don’t have a favorite, and haven’t bought a new shirt in years.

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Sketch Begets Sketch.

I recently visited my family for a few days to gorge myself on food, movies and TV, and “warm holiday togetherness.” I got what I expected at my parent’s place, but I definitely didn’t expect to get this:

Carnivore CD

“So you got a CD? That’s it?”

Because I know that few might not understand the subtleties of this situation, allow me to explain. Goodwill, like the Salvation Army, is a chain of secondhand stores that resell donated clothes, shoes and other stuff (ie CDs). Some locations are better than others, and sometimes you find stuff you wouldn’t expect to find. This was one of those times. Among what may as well have been a mountain of battered Phil Collins CDs and cassettes and overpriced VHS copies of Mystic Pizza, I walked away with this Carnivore CD.

…but not before a heavy dose of antisemitism.


Hold on, I’m getting there. So I go up to check out, and there’s a dull looking twenty-something guy filling out a job application. He was practically the definition of “nondescript.” In fact, he was so much so that I barely noticed him until he started talking about Hanukkah with our cashier and then said, and I quote, “Go back to Jerusalem.” Not to the cashier, but in general about anyone that’s making the free choice to celebrate Hanukkah instead of Christmas. Just in case you missed the part about this guy filling out a job application…let me say that this guy was filling out a job application while this came out of his mouth. I thought maybe he knew the cashier and was trying to pull out some poorly executed Andrew Dice Clay shit or something, but there’s almost no way that could’ve been the case. I didn’t even know what to say that would have had any effect on this guy either. Even though saying something would’ve meant that I would be defending a religion that I don’t believe in, I still would’ve said something had I of been able to come up with something that wouldn’t have been countered with, “…fuckin’ Jews,” after we left. However, if the cashier would’ve agreed with him, I would’ve tried my best to get her fired. Instead, she tried her best to hide her, “did-he-say-what-I-think-he-just-said?” face while he began to complain about having to list the address of his high school.

We left baffled and amazed.

About the CD: In 1991, the thermonuclear warriors that make up the band Carnivore re-released their two full-lengths (Retaliation and Carnivore) on to one CD. You can look up whatever you want about the band, but the short essay that came with the CD is pretty funny; some of the stuff that struck me as being funniest or most out of place got highlighted.

Carnivore Essay

It just makes me think that, for as intense and for as out of control, and for as “metal” as Carnivore made themselves out to be, they are nowhere as near as close to being the powerful neo-barbarians that they want to be. It’s just funny to me that guys that looked like this weren’t able to beat technology, or forcibly control some sort of post-apocalyptic mad scientist into creating a compact disc able to withstand the shreditude of the two Carnivore releases. Instead I envision three puny nerds all wearing matching purple suspenders and pink hi-top Chuck Taylors unnecessarily apologizing for there being a lack of space on a single disc. Whatever, this CD is still awesome. Sketchy…but awesome.

Carnivore photo

More photos of Carnivore can be found here.

On a side note, Dragon Wars was playing at the second-run movie theater in the same shopping plaza, but we were pressed for time and didn’t get to see it. I would’ve loved to see a giant monster movie that so many people hated. It would’ve only been two bucks.

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Gaahl Speaks!

 Apparently there are some people that still haven’t seen this. If you haven’t…enjoy.

Gaahl, from metal band Gorgoroth, gets interviewed for a documentary that somehow made it’s way on to VH1. It wasn’t on Best Week Ever either.

The whole thing is alright actually, and was definitely the best thing that’s ever been on VH1.

If you’ve already seen this, then you know where I’m coming from. Those that haven’t can rent it or get it at Amazon. Of course, if you wanted to be as intense as this guy, I guess you could buy it at your local metal record store/dungeon and then watch it in your own private wine cellar.

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