Get A Head Start On Spring’s Hottest New Styles!

VERY COOL

Just imagine how pissed you’d be if your parents got you this for your twelfth birthday. Or even your eleventh or tenth. Think about it…your parents are starting to get the impression that you’re becoming aware of your ability to “express yourself as an individual” and for whatever reason, somehow arrived at the conclusion that you’d think this was cool.

Wouldn’t it make you want to run away from home?

Just in case you were wondering, I took a photo of this astounding collection of accessories because it definitely took the cake when everything on the rack was considered. You might not be able to see all the other totally hot Very Cool brand merchandise, but it’s there.

Would trailer trash kids even wear this? I mean shit, if it came down to it, you could just wear a noose (or even industrial strength chains) around your neck, hold your pants up with your hand, and wear absolutely anything around your wrist and it would be cooler than this pile of shit.

If you can imagine how quickly wearing any one of those together or singly would get you beat up at school, just imagine how quickly you’d get beat up wearing this:

horrific children’s easter costume

…and by beat up I mean having every no-no spot on your body being touched by every convicted and potential child molester in the tri-county area…or state.

horrific children’s easter costume - tag

That shit’s condemnable on every conceivable level. It’s as if some professional toucher who knows how to sew had a buddy in retail and somehow got this costume put in who knows how many stores across the country.

I hope I get to meet the kids whose parents bought them either of these in ten or fifteen years. I can’t even imagine what the stories behind their having received them would be.

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